That Thing That Was Good To ME

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That Thing That Was Good To ME

Journal entry

1/31/2019

Last night at church during deliverance and healing I thought about my lifestyle of perversion and justified it. I remember my pastor mentioning that we have to call it by name. Mine WAS homosexuality.
I mentally thought, ‘no, not them. They haven’t done anything bad to me.” I associated deliverance with pain.  
It took a moment, but I finally added ex-girlfriends to the list and through God’s grace I know that root was cauterized, too.  
Exposed and cauterized. Soul ties, gone.  
Thank you, Jesus. 
I realized after service that God is on my side, He is not against me.
My church is Heart Of Worship Ministries

End of Journal Entry

I believe in gateways, entry points.  I wasn’t born homosexual I became homosexual.  Through generational curses, molestations, porno, prostitution, CURIOSITY, and lust. I always wanted more.  One might think that my vagina had gone through enough, that I shouldn’t keep wanting to use it.  But on the contrary; my vagina was consuming me.  The more I refused to entertain it the more I became curious in other ways to entertain myself.  After a while I was out of control and ended up in the arms of a pimp.  I enjoyed the fame and lifestyle, but the work was what I did not want to do.  I had a house, so I housed prostitutes and watched a week-old baby while the mama left. I was transporting them around.  One night I got up to go get the mom and realized that I left the baby in the house.  

“I thought, how could I go get the mama without her baby?”

I got out the car and went in to get the baby.  I know she would have cared if I showed up without her baby, she loved her baby.  I just had totally forgot I was babysitting.  If you thought, like I did, how is she able to work after giving birth last week?  Well, easy. A woman has three holes and two hands and between a man and a woman there is a very lucrative imagination.  

Before and after the pimp I was introduced to women through the men who recognized my curiosity.  With me, it was because I was so willing to engage that it wasn’t too hard to recognize in me that I would probably go along with it.  Trois and Quad’s were not all that fun anymore.   After climbing that ladder, coming down was hard.  People don’t want to deal with you when you start to say no.  I wanted the company and lifestyle, but I just didn’t want to do the work anymore. 

Eventually, I got married, twice, after this, divorced twice, and left men altogether.  That is how I related hurt to men and thought women would be better.  The transition wasn’t hard at all.  

It was September 2015. Don’t ask me how I knew but I knew it was God who was correcting and bothering me about my girlfriend.  A voice would speak to me and told me what I was doing was wrong.  It actually told me that I was going to go to hell.  I grew up in a church that reminded you that hell was real, so I had a fear of that place already.  Well, during this month I could not take it anymore.  Our relationship was already over one year old and we were living together. One night I told her I could not do this anymore.  She left the next day.  Yes, I hurt. I cried.  

Just like the girls before her, I had made the decision not to stay so I caused the pain.  I never associated them as wrong because they did not cause me pain that resulted in separation.  I controlled the exits.  

So, last night in church during deliverance and healing I did not add them to my list of names.  While I was calling out names of people or instances or circumstances that needed healing, I just did not think that I needed healing of ex-girlfriends.  I was wrong. 

Just because I did not feel pain did not give them a right to stay.  

Yes, I’m saved and speak in tongues but when we give space to the enemy, no matter how small or tight that corner is, he takes it.  He moves in and starts growing; stretching out.  Any light in that area becomes less and darkness grows until it manifests outwardly.  That became my life until last night.  

No more perversion or its friends hanging around my head any more.  I had not engaged in homosexuality acts since September 2015, but the lust and thoughts tormented me.  Many women and men of God saw it and laid hands but never exposed the root nor explained anything.  One decided not to call it by name because he did not want to embarrass me.  

So last night my pastor, Pastor Denard Street, just spoke to the church.  Softly.  He identified different aspects of different roots and basically asked did we want to let them go.  After providing us with scripture and knowledge he just simply allowed us to make a decision.  I always heard that I needed to want to let go of some things but to be told that with knowledge is profound.  PRICELSS. I made an educated decision not an emotional one. So liberating.

John 8:36 – If the son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.  

Many times, I have just thought about what was wrong or sin in my life and they left.  No more problems with doing those things.  I had control over those things.   Deliverance was just that, a thought.  But I also realized that all I decided to do was to stop doing those things.  That did not mean that they were no longer there to bother me, I just chose to not participate in them.  There is a difference.  

Now I am free and free indeed.   

If you are ever in the Arizona, area my church is Heart of Worship Ministries, Pastor Denard Street.

Located at: 6144 E Main St. Mesa, AZ 85205

Vessels – What Is In Your House?

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Vessels are containers.

Today as I was praying the Lord was leading me into my kitchen.  He got me in there by showing me my belly. Food. So, I thought, ok, I’ll go eat.  I place my leftover Chipotle into the microwave and shift.  I go to get some water.  I fill up my cup but as I place the cap back unto the water I realize that some spice from my finger is on now on it.  The Lord has my attention.

I move to take the water to my room.  Yes, I thought I was going to be eating bedside.  I come back into the kitchen because I remember the tea that is in my refrigerator.  I believe the Lord wants me to have some tea.

I reach for the cabinet.

I grab both doors at the same time.

I pull them open towards me.

The doors open.

I see the cups. (naturally)

Both arms open wide with doors in hand.

My eyes open and there are the cups.  (spiritually)

I release the doors.

The anointing, a wave of air, a presence, a feeling hits me.

I recognize it as the Lord and as I am ushered in I weep.

My arms are free of the doors and I drop my head and I began to weep.  My arms are outstretched, and I visualize Christ on the cross.  I know His presence but this posture that I am in I want to stay in, so I began to repent.  I say, “Lord forgive me.  Lord, I repent for sins known and unknown.”  I repent because I want to stay in His presence.  I want to receive what He is saying.  Now repenting is just my way of a “coverall.”  From experience, this has worked for me in the past.

I now receive.  As I look up and open my eyes the Lord reminds me of:

2 Kings 4:3.  Then he said, Go, borrow thee vessels abroad of all thy neighbours, even empty vessels; borrow not a few.  (KJV)

When I read this verse, I see many different vessels.  Many different colors and many different sizes and shapes. The same in my cabinet. As I chew this verse and swallow it and bring it back again, meditate, I apply it to my life.  Right now, I am about to make an investment.  God says, go borrow.  I think of from whom and where and how.  I have no credit cards.  I have been reviewing my credit and wanting to reestablish it.  As this widow received word from the prophet Elisha to go borrow to start her own business so shall I.  I will use the borrowed money to start what I believed has been placed into my hands to do.

I used to think that borrowing was so wrong because I am the head and not the tail; I am a lender and not a borrower.  Those verses are wonderful, however, they stuck me.  I stayed and lived on those scriptures getting rid of credit cards and waiting for – more.

When reading the word of God, I never saw this widow as a borrower.  I never caught that part of the verse.  I read it and skimmed over it in mind and understanding.  No more!  My understanding came when I opened my cabinet and saw the many vessels that I already have.  I have already borrowed.  I already have in my house, in me, what I need to become an entrepreneur.

2 Kings 4:2. And Elisha said unto her, What shall I do for thee? tell me, what hast thou in the house? And she said, Thine handmaid hath not any thing in the house, save a pot of oil. (KJV)

I carry the oil.  I have the vessels.  I have a word from the prophet.

The Oil– the anointing

The Vessels-I have borrowed; knowledge, wisdom, and understanding from all those before me.  Naturally, preachers, teachers and speakers.  Spiritually, the Word of God and revelation through reading, fasting, and praying.  I have what it takes to do what God has called me to do. Amen.

The word from the prophet-GO. A command to move. An instruction. Furthermore, obedience.  This scripture of inspiration becomes my foundation.  I can now say that I have a word to act on.  A scripture to lunge forward from.  A revelation to stand on.

Go and Borrow was the first command (2 Kings 4:2, KJV)

Go and Sell was the second command.  (2Kings 4:7, KJV)

Attached is the video. Enjoy.

3:26 minutes.

Why I Went AWOL – God Told Me To

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This photo is the flight deck of the ship that I was stationed to.  I was standing on this platform when I saw the vision of the man jumping ship.

AWOL

Me again with one foot in and the other one out. (not sure who the guy is)

Why I went AWOL – God told me to.

I was in the Navy and went to work like any other day.  Got there early and found my way to the flight deck.  It was the end of June, so we would all gather outside on the top of the ship; the part where helicopters landed.  As we were lining up I saw out of the right corner of my eye a man jumping ship.  It was so real that I told my friend in front of me. I said, “I just saw a man jump.”

Yes, she believed me. At this time in my life I was seeing things and hearing things and learning, Jesus.  I didn’t know much about visions (opened or closed) or the prophetic. I wasn’t being taught by anyone because we spent so much time on the ship.  My basic time with Jesus was reading and praying and fasting.  As I was seeing things and hearing voices I just believed them.  So, when I saw that man jump over ship in the spirit I wondered what it meant.  Below, I share one day from my journal about how it came to be, me, going AWOL.

6/30/2016@0425. Thursday

 @0425

Jump ship means to run. Amen. Run from whom? The ship? I was talking to my friend. Amen when the Lord spoke it and showed me the vision amen. @0426

@0428

Lord send me I’ll go, draw me I’ll come.

Draw me: call me. Yes Lord. Amen.

Call me to what Jesus: 

@0435

Amen. I do not answer God fast enough. Amen 

@0441

The Lord is my covering. Amen. He is my protection. He is my shepherd. Psalm 23

Song. Safe in his arms. Milton @0445 

@0446

What honors the Lord the most. Amen.

OBEDIENCE. 

@0449

Run as fast as I can to evangelizing amen.  God will cover me. Protect me. Lord. Where do I send your people?

Lord I just ask that you never leave. No Lord. You have never left me. Yes Lord. Send me I will go. I will run. Amen.

My name is Alwonza I AM. Thank You Jesus 

@0511

God called me a nomad. Amen.

Nomad: having no permanent abode. Amen

Travel from place to place to find fresh pasture; does not stay long in the same place. A wanderer. (Dictionary.com)

The Lord gave me this word for the first-time last night. I thought it was something bad amen. As the world has trained me to perceive. Amen. But the Lord is using it for the good. Amen. @0514 

@0515

While typing about nomad the Lord told me what jumping ship meant. Amen. To go AWOL

End of journal entry.

I wake up to pray before work and the Lord speaks to me about what He said the day before.  As He speaks I write and ask questions.  30 minutes later I have another Word – AWOL.

4:25 am – I gave the vision back to the Lord.

4:28 am – Before I heard from God I had agreed to run.

4:41 am – The Lord speaks Psalm 23 to me.  He is my covering, protection, shepherd.

He sings to me the song by Reverend Milton Brunson – Safe in His arms.

4:46 am – He speaks to me the word- OBEDIENCE

4:49 am – This journey will be me evangelizing as fast as I can.  I encourage myself by speaking God will cover me and protect me.  I build my faith for this moment.  I then turn and ask God not to leave me which is something that He said He would never do.  My faith wavered.  God spoke to me and I answered Him by saying, “No Lord……” – He asked me has He ever left me?  Then He asks me will I go, and I say, “Yes, Lord….I will  run.

He gives me His surname – I AM.  Alwonza I AM.

5:11 am – After He called me He then describes me.  Calling me a nomad basically describes my  journey; my path.  As a nomad I would have no place to sleep or stay.

5:15 am – In the middle of writing my understanding down the Lord continued to speak.  It was at this moment that I had fully accepted and believed and was convinced and begin to think about it.

I thought about it often. This was June 30, 2016 and my first day, the day that I did not show up to work was on July 27, 2016.  27 days later.

Day 1.

7/27/2016. Wednesday.

@1033

I am pulling away from my first apartment. Alone. On the strength of the Lord amen. In faith. Not looking back amen. This is the freedom that I have been waiting for. Looking for. The joy that I have been waiting for amen.

Song. This is freedom by Tasha Cobbs amen. Is playing while I pull away. Perfect timing amen. Thank You Jesus. Lord I love you and am ready amen. This is the freedom of the Lord. Amen.@1036

End of journal entry. 

During these 27 days I wavered.  I took leave but then went back to work.  I told my friend; only one person.  I gave away everything in my apartment.  I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor in my apartment.

I waited, patiently for the Lord to speak.  I had to hear Him perfectly.  He spoke. I froze.  I got scared.  I panicked. I was anxious.  I was nervous.  I disobeyed.  Yes, after all that preparation I still did not move when He said to move.  Not moving was me not going in to work.  What I was feeling was new.  I had never felt that way before.  I am not perfect, I had disobeyed before and did not feel like this. I couldn’t shake it.

I was at work and my boss came to me and asked me, “why are you here?”  I just stood there. He did not even ask or wait for me to reply.  He just looked at me and then walked away.  Next, I saw his boss and he asked me the same thing.  I was asked why I was there.  I knew it was God.   I had a dream a few nights before that and in the dream my son was telling me dates and talking to me about work.  The dream was coming to pass.

I then made up my mind and followed the new signs that were before me.  I did not move by faith only the first time so this time I was given something to do and a place to be.  I had to be on the road by a certain day to make it to where God was sending me.  This became my confidence.  My motivation.  My foundation.  My will to obey this was greater to me than my will to disobey.  I couldn’t stay home.  I couldn’t go to work anymore.

As I think about how I have been moving in the Lord, He usually gives me a vision or a dream or shows me signs to get me to move.  I move by faith through what I see Him doing and saying.  Yes, saying.  I see His Words, and this helps me with my obedience.  So, I didn’t move on a conversation that I had with God alone, I moved after evidence; a manifestation of what to do next.

I thank God for the way that He speaks to me.

I thank God for meeting me where I am.

I thank God for His patience.

He says that HE speaks twice, three times.  I did not move the first time He spoke, and He gave me another chance according to His Word.

God is Love and He does not want us to fail.

My book; Why I Went AWOL – God Told Me To, is a series book.   At the end of the series is where I am now and how me going AWOL had nothing to do with me but had everything to do with God.

I AM glad that He asked me to go.

The journey was fun.

The video I posted to my social media platforms about this post.  1:24 minutes.

CONVERSATION WITH God

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Conversation with Jesus (Blog Entry)

1/22/2019

@2:41 pm 

After, Pastor Denard Street, commented, ‘praise God,’ under my Partners Meeting post.  He said ‘Praise God.’  Immediately I began to weep.  I began to ‘Praise God.’  Within seconds the Lord says to me:

God: Pray for me

Me: How do I pray for someone who has everything

God: Pray for the desires of My Heart.  He then proceeds to show me a man of God, a Prophet, that has everything.  

Me: I start to pray for the Prophet.  Everything I pray, for the Lord sends back to me.  

God: The Prophet is an example. There is a place, where we have everything.  

God: Pray for me

Me: Lord, I pray that your desires are fulfilled.  Lord, I pray that the desires of your heart are fulfilled.  Lord I pray that you find a people that are surrendered and yielded to you.  Lord, a people that will not fight you.  

God: He shows me His church.  I began to weep.  God is looking for a church that will surrender.  He calls HIS church FAITH.

I thought God had everything.  God has desires in His heart that He needs fulfilled.  

I looked at it a second time and it says ‘Praise God.’ This time it was a command to ‘praise God.’ A command to praise God means to praise God because it is already done. Sealed.  God heard my prayer and answered it.  

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He that has an ear – use it to hear God’s voice

LaToya

Labels for The Anointing Oil

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These labels are so PRETTY!

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I placed the order for my oils on today.  Placed and paid for.  Getting all ready for the release of The Anointing Oil.

I am so excited.

I met my distributor through the lady that braided my hair.

Wednesday 9/5/2018 – got hair braided.

Thursday 9/6/2018 – met my distributor through a friend of my braider.  (3 people in all)

Monday 9/24/2018 – sampled oil and fragrances.

Tuesday 9/25/2016 – purchased oil and received proof of labels.

19 days later I own my first business.

Talk about divine connections.  Whew!  I am so glad that I was where I was supposed to be. Carrying around an idea as a spiritual seed can be draining.  But when your steps are ordered by the Lord, Who! Who! What! can stop you?  My whole life has changed, and my business has been birthed all because the Lord told me to go get my hair braided.  To God, be the glory.

Ok.  So, the labels have 5 differently colored butterflies on them. Butterflies represent life; growth. A stage of growing and change.  This stage is process.  The butterfly’s process began at birth and he walked on the ground and in the trees.  He fed off of low branches and the high ones.  His whole caterpillar life was of always getting higher.  One day his attempts are all satisfied, and he finds one place to remain, hidden, for his transformation.

He wraps himself, totally consuming himself, in what he has been eating and growing towards.  He has found a place and entrusted his blind faith into this area.  Once engulfed in all of work he rests.  He cocoons himself and sleeps, rests, waiting for the next.  As he rests he thinks of what he will become.  As he rests he thinks on what he will do when he emerges. He rests totally in faith.

The Anointing Proof LabelsThese labels are so pretty

The butterflies are divinely placed and colored.  Strategically chosen; not by me but by God.  Someone else created this template, sold it to Office Depot, and I was led to purchase it through revelation.  The oil is anointed and so are the labels; Revelation carries weight in the spirit.

COLORS: The Meaning of Colors submitted by Raetta Parker (in Bold Font)

Blue: Revelation of Knowledge (my revelation)

Light blue is associated with health, healing, tranquility, understanding, and softness.

Dark blue represents knowledge, power, integrity, and seriousness.

Orange: Love (my revelation)

Orange represents enthusiasm, fascination, happiness, creativity, determination, attraction, success, encouragement, and stimulation.

Green: Life (my revelation)

Green is the color of nature. It symbolizes growth, harmony, freshness, and fertility.

¨      Green has strong emotional correspondence with safety.

Dark green is also commonly associated with money.

¨      Green has great healing power. It is the most restful color for human eyes; it can improve vision.

Gold/yellow: Bold. (my revelation)

Gold evokes the feeling of prestige. The meaning of gold is illumination, wisdom, and wealth. Gold often symbolizes high quality.

Yellow is the color of sunshine. It’s associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.

¨      Yellow produces a warming effect, arouses cheerfulness, stimulates mental activity, and generates muscle energy.

Purple: Royalty (mine; probably because I heard it in church or through church somewhere)

Light purple evokes romantic and nostalgic feelings.  Purple combines the stability of blue and the energy of red.

¨      Purple is associated with royalty. It symbolizes power, nobility, luxury, and ambition.

¨      It conveys wealth and extravagance.

¨      Purple is associated with wisdom, dignity, independence, creativity, mystery, and magic.

Again, being planted by the Father for such a time to birth what He has placed inside of me.  I could not have come up with this oil, anointed it, or chosen such beautiful, prophetic labels in my own strength.  I give all of the glory to God.  AMEN

As I made the video for receiving the proof for the labels, I received the revelation of the colors.  The colors can be chosen at purchase.  Whatever your need there is a butterfly to supply it. No more cocoons or wonderings about what the Lord has placed inside of you.

As I started writing this blog post the Lord took over.  He wrote the introductory paragraph and this ending one.  He has written His own message glorifying His work.  Through me He gets all of the Glory.  All of the Praise.  I am nothing without Him.

Thank you Jesus for birthing your vision through me.

This video is capturing my excitement and showing to the world the label samples for the first time.  2:07 minutes

@alwonza on Instagram and Twitter

The Anointing

The Anointing is an oil.

It has no scent.

It has no fragrance.

It can be combined with any liquids, lotions, oils, or soaps that you already use.

It is very light.

It will be available on October 5, 2018.

I am very excited that it has already arrived.

The video below is 1:13 minutes.

Stalemate – I lay down my king; I lose

Stalemate.  It is a term used by chess players.  I am not going to go that deep into explaining chess, but I will say that if you ever hear it, it means that you cannot move any more.

Today, while praying, I heard the Lord say to me, “stalemate.”  I cried a little but then realized a little of what He was saying.  I play chess.  I like chess.  Stalemate to me means to me that I cannot move anymore.  In chess you can run from your opponent, chase him, or let him lose on his own.  Well, God wasn’t chasing me.  I was actively running, nowhere.  Everywhere I ran to He was there.  From the East Coast to the West.  He was there.  Just like a chess board, all the way around and He would find me there.

Now hindsight that was good.

As He spoke this word I was meditating on the scriptures Luke 9:19 and down.  It wasn’t a meditation that I chose; more like one that He chose.  I kept reading it over and over. Soon I was thanking Him.  Whatever came to mind I began to go deeper with.  Then the: STALEMATE.

I began to google the word. I knew it was a chess move as I often refer to God about whose move it is.  We go back and forth like this.  Well, in a stalemate, the game is over.

After I read the google definition I went deeper.  I enquired. I put people into the place of pieces. I placed myself as the king being checked by God.  There was nowhere else for me to move.  What? Nowhere else for me to go?  What was God speaking?  I dried my tears and listened.  I had a vision of the Lord Jesus laying His life down.  No one could take His life, He laid it down.  I then reached out to God, hands open arms outstretched and head raised saying,
“Lord I surrender.  Into your hands I commit my soul,” then I thought about it and changed it to, “spirit.”

After saying those words to God, I had to think about what I was actually saying.  I was like, thinking, like what did I just say…….

Immediately, I thought of Jesus being persecuted.  Luke 9:22 – Son of man must suffer.  As He prayed, Moses and Elijah, came and spoke to Him about His death.  Peter spoke about building three tabernacles.  Luke 9:34-35 – God, the Father, in a cloud overshadowed them and spoke that Jesus is His beloved Son: hear Him.  Even now revelation is pouring in and I know that I must listen to Jesus.

Eye opener – apparently, I wasn’t. Nah!  I was. But I recognize that hearing now will be different.

Stalemate.  Even I f I wanted to run anymore I couldn’t.  Every move I considered was right back into His hands.  So, I laid my king down.  I surrendered.  Totally unto the other team.  The Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost.  They had won, and I was defeated.

My new life.  Amen.

Alwonza

Gay vs Smoking

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Gay vs Smoking – Which is worse?

I just did a Periscope on this topic.  The Lord gave me this lesson a few days ago.   I was afraid to go live and do it.  I just felt like I do not have a following and what am I going to say! Will people receive the message?  Will they receive what I am trying to say and get across to them? All this and more entered my mind.  Then God came in with truth and peace.

Right, you do not have a following.  If I do not ever get on and build I will always be thinking I have no following and wondering who will watch it.  Yes, they will receive the message because it is from Me.  Once I removed myself and believing that this was me speaking or doing this in my strength, God could come through.  All my thoughts conquered when the feeling to do this scope would not loose and I realized that I was running.  God filled me with the scriptures to use and then I wrote them down in the order that He gave them to me in.  I added nothing or removed anything.

I thank God for trusting me.

The scriptures are as follows:

Genesis 18

1 john 1:9

1 John 5:17

Matthew 15:11, 18, 20

Mark 7:20-23

2 Corinthians 6:16

Acts 7:47-49

Romans n1:21, 28-32

Acts 2:38

Romans 10:13

Luke 6:42

I had more trolls on this scope speaking than any other scope.  I did not erase them or block them or mention them.  Some fell off on their own – resist them and they will flee.  Another was on until the end.  They were just speaking because they assumed that I was anti-gay.  I am anti-sin.  So, as they focused on bashing the bible and me and gay and smoking I continued with what God gave me.  After I finished with what God was saying He allowed me to give my testimony.  I let them know that I too, was an alcoholic and chain smoker.  I let them know that when God called me in September 2015 I was lying next to my girlfriend of over a year.  No sin is greater than another.  The wages of all sin is death.  I am not here to judge.  To whom much is given much is required.  Therefore, God has forgiven me of my many sins and I offer this same forgiveness to people whom I know, or God says need it.

God does not like sin.  He loves His creation.  I love you as Christ loves you, His church.  Amen. Watch the video.  Read the scriptures.  Repent.  Call on the name of the Lord and you will be saved.  Saved from what?  From death.  Read the sins listed in Romans 1 and Galatians 5 and chose to do them no more.  That is how you stay saved.  As you consciously refuse sin you get closer to God.  His presence and His power.  You become filled with His Spirit.  He will lead you and guide you.

Say this prayer: Lord, thank you for choosing me. I believe that you are Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God and that you died on the cross for me.  Lord, I repent of my sins.  I turn from doing and committing sins.  Lord, forgive me of my sins, knowingly and unknowingly.  Lord, thank you.  Lord, by acknowledging you I call upon your name and you said that I should be saved.  I want to be saved from sin.  I believe through this prayer that you have come into my heart.  Thank you for hearing me.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen.

Photo by Joshua Stitt on Unsplash